Ted Haggard got caught taking comfort in the arms of a male prostitute, but after just three weeks of counseling he became completely heterosexual (YouTube video HZmHC75FDqQ by singer-songwriter Roy Zimmerman), and MAN – from what we see in today's news – does Ted have balls.

But, before considering what Ted's up to today, let's recap where he's been, since he got caught enjoying those meth-fueled sessions of debauched homosexuality:

(1) He got kicked out of his cushy job at the New Life Church in Colorado Springs.

(2) He got kicked out of his presidency of the National Association of Evangelicals.

(3) His good buddy George Bush dropped him faster than you can say "flaming liability" and no longer consults with him every Monday morning on national policy.

(4) His life, in all of its 50-year-old nakedness and suspicious predilections, was placed under the Nurse Ratched-like care of a "restoration team" composed of luminaries from Focus On The Family and various megachurchs, although Grand Ayatollah James Dobson chose to quit the team before it ever layed hands on Ted.

(5) He underwent three weeks of intensive Christian psychotherapy at an "undisclosed place in Arizona," from where he emerged, you know, heterosexual.

(6) He was driven out of Colorado Springs on a rail.

(7) He and his long-suffering wife, Gayle, announced their intentions to enroll in correspondence courses and become therapists.

Did I miss anything? Possibly. According to some news reports, both a counseling team and the restoration team are overseeing Ted's liberation from sexual addiction. Interestingly, news reports don't give any indication that those working with Ted are concerned about the self-loathing he embodied – and the deceit he practiced – by broadcasting national positions opposing the homosexuality that he himself enjoyed.

Anyway, from today's news, we learn about Ted's current financial situation:

Haggard received a salary of $115,000 for the 10 months he worked in 2006 and an $85,000 anniversary bonus before the scandal broke, The Gazette reported. Haggard's severance package included a year's salary of $138,000, and he collects royalties on his book titles, the newspaper reported. El Paso County records show Haggard's home, which has been up for sale, has a market value of $715,051.

So what's Ted doing now? He and Gayle have enrolled at the University of Phoenix and are working towards degrees in counseling and psychology. In addition, they're going to serve as live-in counselors at the Phoenix Dream Center in Phoenix, Arizona, which is a residential Christian ministry serving the homeless.

Those are some big changes for Ted. But some things remain the same. Despite Ted's substantial financial assets (and despite the fact that he intends to counsel the homeless, who would be expert in sharing with Ted ways of stretching his assets to cover things like his family's living expenses, his and Gayle's tuitions at the University of Phoenix, and his and Gayle's two son's tuitions at good Bible colleges), Ted recently sent an e-mail to his friends at KRDO-TV in Colorado Springs and explained that he and Gayle, well, could really use some donations from the faithful because, "It looks as though it will take two years for us to have adequate earning power again, so we are looking for people who will help us monthly for two years."

The man has no shame, which we knew, but after all of the counseling and "restoration" he's received, we might have hoped he'd learned some self restraint.